10 Things I Wish People Knew About Dating Someone On The Autism Spectrum

These days, there are any number of digital wingmen to help find and screen potential partners, but sometimes chatting online through something that’s not about dating at all can help. It’s why I hope that the people and the situations presented on Love on the Spectrum are real, even though they’re likely different from how they’re portrayed in the show. At multiple points throughout the series, people mention The Bachelor as a show they love or love to hate. I have made it my personal mission to never view a second of it, but I am told that it isn’t the most charitable to its participants.

You could wait a few more days and ask her out again, but two or three attempts without encouragement from a girl is a pretty clear indication that it’s best to move on and focus on someone else. You might need to explain things to us or make us aware of things that seem obvious to you, and you’d assume would to most people, so that you can be sure we understand you clearly. But we’ll try, even if understanding others isn’t instinctive to us.

Self-awareness holds the key to dating on the autism spectrum

Intense interests that are commonly found in autistic individuals can also deter a potential partner because they are based on the person’s own needs and interests. A particular interest or topic could take over the overall conversation before they realize something is the matter because the other person will no longer talk or be interested. It is up to your autistic partner to also become more self-aware. If they don’t understand their own feelings, beliefs, and intentions, they won’t be able to share them with you. Individual counseling or couple’s counseling can help your autistic partner become more self-reflective and self-aware. Romantic relationships can be difficult to maneuver when you’re dating on the autism spectrum.

How to Date a Man with Autism

Consider scheduling a time each day to both sit and communicate. Sitting side by side might work best for communication. People with ASD almost universally say it is difficult to process verbal information while maintaining eye contact. This would be especially true when discussing each other’s needs.

Fictional dramas, or the latest gossip about other people’s private lives will very likely fall on deaf ears. I understand that catering to the Aspie partner can seem the path of least resistance, and plenty so-called self-help couples books will promote doing that to prevent him having an episode. I don’t understand how people can accept that they will be their lover’s caretaker, but their lover will not be the caretaker of their feelings. You want to be “loved” for your ability to self-negate? This is a breeding ground for resentment; you’re going to end up hating this man.

Love on the Spectrum is kind, informational, and fun. There are a series of core steps involved in the process of dating and forming new relationships, according to research. B) Read my article, Social Skills Lessons for Adults With Autism, for tips, books, sites, and movies to help you improve your social skills. Study those resources to become more comfortable socially. You shouldn’t feel pressured to overperform; you’re just going out with someone you can connect with. If the person makes you feel uncomfortable, then stop and leave.

He’s a big fan of dinosaurs, and makes that clear on both of his dates with Maddi. He’s also a romantic; he comes to his dates with flowers in hand and is ready to talk about and around the general concept of marriage. He also meets up with Kelvin at the dating boot camp, which makes him the most interconnected cast member on the show. I’ve looked for dating tips from within the autism community to share with you today.

Sensitive reactions to outside influences are impossible to avoid, however, avoiding or reducing them wherever possible will alleviate the tensions they cause. Unfortunately, this is not something that will get easier over time, the only thing that will get easier is finding out what causes the discomfort and where possible, reducing the exposure to it. Love, affection and communication can be puzzling for everyone, but for those on the spectrum it can feel impossible. I wasn’t looking for him to get a diagnosis, or to label him or make him the problem. I simply wanted to talk to him about the reasons we had trouble communicating.

Dating can be hard enough as it is, but when you’re living on the autism spectrum, it can be even harder. Social cues can be hard to read and sometimes it’s difficult to get a message across, so you can only imagine how tricky it would be when flirting or being in a relationship. In situations where a person on the autism spectrum is stressed, s/he can more easily experience sensory overload and, as a result, shut down or possibly experience a “meltdown”.

However, in not telling people, it has caused numerous problems as others have failed to understand me properly, and I them. I don’t think he’ll ever go for a diagnosis and I don’t think it’s really important. He’s 50 years old now and does fine for himself, but the communication difficulties persist. I’ve tried to frame our differences this in terms of the way our brains process information and the different needs we have as a result. Have you tried going up to people and starting a convo with them? Some people tend to be shy, or introverted so it normally takes someone to go up to them and start a conversation with them first and then they’ll slowly open up more to you.

If it works out and we both care for each other, we will make it work. Although we may have difficulties with communication, we still need you to be as open with us as possible to avoid misunderstandings. Don’t underestimate the value that candid, direct communication can add to any relationship. Imagine how much easier it would be to navigate relationships if nobody was expected to guess emotions, but could deliberately express or honestly ask about them. Another thing that I learned while being in an autistic/NT relationship is that if your partner is with you, you need to realize that you are the most important person in their lives.

Autistic people want love and affection as much as everyone else. The problem is, they don’t know what to do in a relationship, and they might behave inappropriately or misread signals. Frequently, they might get lost in their own interests and don’t pay you attention. You are more likely to initiate affection and take control.

I am a hardcore extrovert, and it was extremely difficult to let him have alone time. For him, recharging looks like sleeping, turning his phone off, and having time with God. I had to respect his space when recharging happened. What makes our site unique is that this website is an initiative by people on the spectrum. Give us time to process small or big-time decisions.

Realize you might not understand your partner’s perspective. Recognize your partner may have a hard time asking for clarification and/or even knowing that clarification is needed. Non-spectrum partners cannot interpret ASD behavior through their non-spectrum filter and assume that they understand the meaning of a particular behavior of their ASD partner. Likewise, the partner on the autism spectrum may have a hard time understanding their own needs.